The Small Dog in Distress

Posted bySue VincentPosted inDogs, HumourTags:, ,

Now, let us be very clear about this. I was tortured.

I am not blaming the lovely young two-legs in the van… she was kind, compassionate, professional and exactly what you want in those horrendous circumstances.

But my two-legs? The one issuing the orders? She knows what I think about “bath”, “ears” and “toes”…

Four letter words. All of them!

Now, I know she’s been fretting about not being able to groom and walk me properly since she got poorly, and if she had really tried, maybe I could have controlled my very ticklish feet. But honestly… it never occurred to me that she would go to such awful lengths…

I should have known something was in the wind when she got my other collar out… the one she never uses since I bit my way half through it. These days, she has realised I can get out of most things except the big coat-harness. It didn’t even occur to me that she could be so treacherous…

Then she sent me out for a walk with my friend. Now, she can’t really walk me these days, so I really enjoyed going through the village and up the hill. I thought it was a special treat, but ‘parently the sneaky thing just wanted me to run off some energy…

And just as I was home and waiting to get my collar off, they tempted me into the kitchen with treats…and still I didn’t understand how bad things were going to get.

They made sure I was back on my leash and opened the door. A pretty young lady with a nice, encouraging voice let me sniff her. She smelled of other dogs and really interesting… I was happy when they let me go for a little walk with her. She even let me get in her van and I like road trips…

Little did I know…

The door closed behind me, shutting me inside the chamber of horrors. For the next hour, she talked to me calmly while doing  dreadful things to me. By the time I got out the other end, we were both exhausted…

“It could have gone better…” said the young lady, “but she was a bit worried and I didn’t want to push it…” A. Bit. Worried. That’s it? When she sheared off my ptarmigan toes, clipped me in places no two legs should venture, cut ALL my claws, cleaned my ears AND left me smelling of flowers? “… so it will be easier next time…”

I believe Next and Time are also four letter words…

Then my two-legs had the cheek to say she could see all my grey hairs now! Well, at least I have hair… hrmph!

So, I dried myself off all over the sofa… the one she thinks is hers… Much better than a hairdryer. Then I demanded compensation in the form of half their lunch and loads of treats… and now I will snore and smell of flowers at them for the rest of the afternoon. That’ll teach them.

Telling me how beautiful I am is not going to cut it, I’m afraid. And what was wrong with smelling like a hamster anyway? Lots of people like hamsters!

Much love,

Ani xxx

Disclaimer from the Two-Legs: I feel I should point out that Ani, who is currently less than pleased with me, was groomed with absolute patience, understanding and professionalism by the proprietress of the mobile grooming van, to whom I am exceedingly grateful for providing the care that I have been unable to maintain lately unaided. And she will certainly be asked to come visit Ani again… 😉

Published by Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.

64 thoughts on “The Small Dog in Distress”

  1. Really, Ani, you need to quit fussing! Your two-legs is very clever and only wants you to look your best. After all, when you look a fright, it reflects on her too! You’ve probably gone and frightened that poor groomer… of course maybe that was your plan all along, to keep her from coming back. You might be just a bit too clever for your own good. Now be a good girl and give your two-legs the loving she needs (even if you do smell like flowers).

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  3. Oh, Ani. I’m afraid your doom is sealed. 😦 … they’ve ganged up on you now 😦 … the only tiny miniscule infinitesimal good part about the horrors you’ve been forced to undergo, is that is has taken a bit of a worry of your person’s shoulders, and for that there ought to be everlasting treats!

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  5. I’m sorry they tricked you in to being made to smell of flowers, but glad you got to have some treats and some of their lunch. Personally I’d have loved all that attention… Except the part where you finish smelling like flowers. What is it with humans making us smell like that? I’m an earth dog… Earth! Not flowers. Lots of licks, Lilie

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  7. The Duke has foot and ear and claw and general cleanliness issues. But at least he isn’t a digger or a wallower. He IS gentling down as he ages, but he has a lot of energy we are trying to enjoy as long as he is young and strong. It is truly insane here. Really wacko. I can’t even begin to tell. you how crazy it feels. It feels like an un-civil war.

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    1. Ani will dig when the earth is dry…thankfully, only then. But her claws she will not let anyone near. Ever. Always a marathon to even clip one… which is why I called in the groomer.
      I can only imagine how uneasy iy must feel over there at the moment… the news we see here doesn not paint an good picture.

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  10. My dear Ani. I feel for you but apparently, they do this because they “love” us. My human parents brought a little sister home for me because they “love” me. I know she needed rescuing and she is cute but she eats my food, sleeps in my bed and always wants to play. I can´t even get my naps in without her jumping all over me. Whatever were they thinking! You will soon be smelling like yourself again. Not sure I´ll ever get a good nap again. Licks, Dot.

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    1. Oh, but a little sister will be cool when she grows up a bit and plays, Dot… and you’ll always have company, even if they leave you on your own for a bit… think of all the cool games you will be able to have!

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  12. Our friend Mr Bones is a Frenchie (so, no relation to Ani Bones) and he gets swallowed by a mobile grooming van quite often. It always spits him out again, so he must taste bad. His two-leges say he smells bad too.
    They are both (relatively) young and fit but they say they’re too busy with the twins to bath him (and the twins would want to join in). They say if he didn’t roll so often in smelly things in the forest he wouldn’t need bathing so often, but a guy’s got to get his fun somehow.
    When he visits us, we all get plenty of exercise so he doesn’t need the forest, but we haven’t seen him for ages now, except on that screen thing they put on the floor (so the twins and Mr Bones can see us) when they’re shouting to each other from a distance.
    Hope that van-thingy doesn’t visit you too often, Ani.
    Smidgeon and Ruff.

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    1. Hey guys,
      That sounds a very strange way to live… being eaten and spit out like that. Mine doesn’t bathe me often… says dogs don’t usually need it as much as two-legses… so I can manage a whole year with as many washes as she gets in a week!
      But I hope this doesn’t give her any strange ideas…. 😉 xx

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  16. Ah, Ani, I knew this was coming, but cut your two-legged a break. She is really unhappy that she couldn’t do it herself, even if you really don’t like all the clipping and cleaning. And now you smell better and it must feel nice to be clean – be honest, girl! Love and hugs for your bravery.

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  17. Oh Ani, poor you. You are still loved loads by your two legs and your readers. Best not to have too much long fur round your ears (Maggie got sand in hers and it irritated something wicked) and long sharp claws aren’t good either, especially if you have an irritating itch and you could do some damage to yourself.
    Maggie hated a bath, and if a dog could put two legs either side of the door to stop her being carried in, well she did it……… a lot. However, she did love the hairdryer afterwards so we were forgiven.
    I’m sympathetic Ani, honest and sending you loads of treats by proxy….. they’re the best kind, calorie free and never ending. Much love………. ❤

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            3. I was expecting that with Ani. Now her usual walks have gone, both through my health and the depredations of HS2, she is limited to walking on grass and mud… nothing keeping her nails down at all.

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            4. With Maggie it was the other way as we walked a lot on paths and cncrete, but stil her nail were long. We’d started going through the motions of clipping them when she was a pup, so it wasn’t too bad, but when she started constantly licking her feet and making them sore, she wouldn’t let us touch them. It was very much of squeezing in the cream blind, but it seemed to work.

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  18. Ah Ani. I know it’s stressful, but being smelly reduces cuddles, having long nails can impact walks, and becoming a flea-magnet is even worse. Enjoy being beautiful. And enjoy the cuddles and treats. 😀

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