I must do the floor, I thought, in some despair,
The small dog is moulting and shedding her hair.
She’s out in the garden, so if I am quick,
And just whip the vac out, that should do the trick.
She’s already cross because out in the garden
I got out the lawnmower, let my heart harden,
So into the hallway she wandered off sighing,
(This dog is a drama queen) huffing and crying.
As soon as I’d finished she came out exploring
(And showed me my place with some pointed ignoring),
It is quite ironic, her coming on strong,
‘Cause she hates walking on the wet grass when it’s long.
She wandered back in with cut grass on her feet…
She couldn’t care less about keeping things neat…
So I got the hoover from where it was lurking
To set about doing much-needed houseworking.
There’s hair on the carpet and hair on the chair,
That silky-fine dog hair that gets everywhere,
I hoover it up every day, but in vain,
For in moulting season, it’s really a pain.
But halfway through hoovering, I hit a bump,
Where I was quite certain there wasn’t a lump.
It caught me off-balance, it was unexpected,
The floor and my anatomy soon connected.
Where the carpet has lain all this while nice and flat…
Was a lump, and I ought to investigate that…
I couldn’t imagine what creature might be there,
And was fairly worried about what I’d see there…
I swear I heard laughter from out in the hall
As I dug from the rug her preferred tennis ball.
Quite how she had got it there, I’ll never know
Because under the rug’s not where tennis balls go.
“Oh writer,” the small dog informed me at once,
“It went there with ease, must you be such a dunce?”
“But why, small dog, tell me, why bury the ball?”
“‘Cause I can’t protect it from here in the hall!”
She does hate the hoover, it’s always upset her,
She calls it a monster and thinks it will get her.
“That monster sucks everything right up its snout…
Do you think I would risk leaving tennis balls out?”
Not only was I feeling bruised now and aching,
I’m sure that the laughing dog’s shoulders were shaking.
She looked at me kindly, “You should take more care…”
She said, “Oh, and you realise, you’re covered in hair…”
From ‘Doggerel’, available via Amazon