The Small Dog’s 10 Best Tips for Training your Two-Legs

ani (8)

The correct training of your two-legs… ‘specially visiting two-legses…is critical to their well-being. I thought I’d share my ten favourite tips for the establishment of proper pack behaviour…

ani window1. Use advanced surveillance techniques. Never let them arrive unexpectedly. This gives you a unfair unique advantage. You, of course, will know long before your two-legs that a visitor is arriving. They have to wait for a knock on the door. Which means, you can be ready… and waiting…

ani (10)

2. Decontamination. You don’t know where they’ve been… they may even have been near cats! But a thorough washing both cleans them up and lets you investigate. They, poor things, have a problem with soap and smelly stuff… they smear it all over. They taste a lot better when it is all gone. They think you are being cute and giving kisses… but that’s okay. We know better… And anyway, if they are going to stuff us in baths with their smelly stuff, what do they expect?

ani (4)

3. Let them play. They like to think they know best. They also think they understand humour. There are limits, however. Me, I draw the line at coats and fluffy jumpers. I know some short-hairs like ’em them in cold weather, but I’m quite happy in my own skin. Still, if you let them play their games, they have no excuses when it’s your turn πŸ™‚

ani (7)

4. Establish firm boundaries. This is especially important with regards to your sofa. It may be necessary to demonstrate… If they still don’t get it, ignore them. Then, if all else fails, sit on ’em.

ani (5)

5. Establish ownership. While it is possible to allow your two-legs a certain amount of freedom, it is best to show them quite clearly in which areas you are in charge. This obviously includes the ‘fridge and its contents.


6. Obedience training. Set the ground rules early and be consistent. This should be one of your first priorities. They need to know exactly what you expect of them.

ani (2)

7. Prevent boredom. A bored two-legs will only get into trouble. Stimulate their minds by setting them puzzles. It might take them a while to work out what they are supposed to be doing, but it keeps them out of mischief. Just give them some attention and encourage them…

ani (3)

8. Keep them active. Your two-legs need plenty of exercise… ‘specially if they are inclined to sit in front of their little boxes all day. Two…or three…nice long walks every day should do the trick, but you can always encourage some activity in the gym too…

ani (6)

9. Encourage a healthy diet. This means making sure they keep you well supplied with food, treats and tidbits. Their diet doesn’t bear thinking about. Apart from the cheese and the chicken…. I think ’bout those a lot.

ani (9)

10. Keep them happy. Give them plenty of cuddles so they know they are loved. Listen to them when they talk to you, be aware of their feelings… and share every laughing moment you can with them.

ani (1)Remember, a happy, healthy two-legs will, if properly loved and cared for, last you a lifetime. Ani winks

Much love,

Ani xxx

Published by Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:

74 thoughts on “The Small Dog’s 10 Best Tips for Training your Two-Legs

  1. When we got our new loveseat, the one “item” we found under the old one was Duke’s squeaky yellow tennis ball. He was so glad to have it back. He has lots of balls, but only ONE that squeaks. It too may last a lifetime.


  2. Oh, Ani – you’re a card…You certainly know how to use those soulful eyes to wind your two-legs around your pΓ ws and heart all right…You won’t even need to send your two-legs for a training course! Woof. xx


          1. lol – we call them moggies here too, but Mogi is actually short for Mogwai – the little creature in the kid’s film, the one with the huge ears. This dog really does have Dumbo sized ears!


  3. Ani, you’re so smart! I wish I was as brave as you are with new two-leggeds come into the house. Unless I’ve been taken care of by them, I run and hide. Maybe that comes from being raised in a shelter?
    Your orange friend, Garfield


  4. First, let me compliment you on your tongue, Ani. If you’re going to give out some kisses, these may as well be wet and sloppy.🀣

    We two-legs are a lot of trouble. Thanks for tolerating us. I love all of your tips, especially #2. I feel like I need to apologize to my dog, Lulu, if I ever come home smelling of dog. She accuses me of cheating on her. I would never do such a thing.


  5. You’ve got this, Ani, you really have! πŸ˜‰ Love ‘if all else fails, sit on ’em’ – great advice, and hilarious! And that last photo – absolutely priceless. Wonderful. πŸ™‚ ❀


  6. Duke has a firm grip on the sofa, but now we are in serious contention for possession of the bed. Also, he has the same ball. That’s the one that beeps, right? Because the Duke’s squeaks. He also has a bunch of non-squeakers, but they have dispersed until the next time we move the furniture.

    Chicken is good for everyone. Especially the soup!


Let's talk!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: