I’m a creature of habit, I have my routine,
I know where she’s going, I know where she’s been,
I don’t like her going out late, or at all,
I’d rather she stayed home with me to play ball.
This morning she did things before she went out
With stuff in the bathroom, that left me in doubt
As to whether she thought I’d be easy to fool…
But sometimes a break in routine can be cool.
She brought home my boy, ‘cause his bathroom is broke
And for two-legses having no bathroom’s no joke.
So, he came to use hers (I will not call it mine)
And to have him around for a while was just fine.
I let him play ball for a bit and share treats
(While she tried to con me… tried trimming my feets!)
I de-stuffed my pillow (that’s two that I’ve killed)
While he went and soaked in the bath she had filled.
But when he came out, he just smelled like a flower,
I thought I should exercise real doggy power,
So cuddled up close, did the whole ‘puppy eyes’,
Then, as he’s my pup, took him right by surprise…
No two-legs of mine needs to smell like a rose,
(And especially not when he’s under my nose)
So I washed him again and I got him real good
Till he smelled, to my taste, how my two-legses should.
I had just washed his face and I’d groomed him real well,
The ungrateful two-legs just said, “Mum, I smell,
‘Cause the Small Dog has licked me,” and I saw him glower,
“I think I should probably get in the shower.”