She said I was scruffy and needed a bath,
I said she’d be lucky, was having a laugh,
‘Cause my two-legs alone cannot lift me and hold me
The best she can do is manhandle and scold me
While she ends up dripping and I end up running…
My two-legs shampoo me alone? She was funning.
“Oh no, little Small Dog, we’ll try something new here…
Just come to me, girlie, I’ve got dry shampoo here.”
What, dry stuff, not wet stuff? Perhaps we could try it,
She’d not con me into the bath, ’cause I’d spy it,
I could do a runner, if she turned out sneaky..,
But ‘dry shampoo’ somehow did sound a bit freaky…
She sat on the sofa, “Stay still, little squirmer!”
She got a good grip, when I moved, she held firmer,
Then aimed something at me that’s all wet and squirty…
To call that stuff ‘dry’ is just playing real dirty!
She made me all frothy, put foam on my belly…
“Just go with it, girlie, you soon won’t be smelly.”
She brushes and combs while I’m squirming and whining,
“Don’t worry, my girlie, your coat is all shining.”
“Don’t worry? You do realise it’s confusing
To tell me a wet shampoo’s dry. That’s amusing?”
My scent was a thing any dog could take pride in…
I smell like a lemon… I’ve gone into hiding.