She says that I am an unfortunate pup,
I shed loads of hair that she has to clean up;
When it’s summer the finest fur next to my skin
Makes its way to the floor so my top coat is thin.
*
Now, myself, I think that is a perfect design…
The fine stuff’s discarded, the top coat can shine,
She helps it along as she combs me each day…
Then I can go out, either sunbathe or play.
*
But she’s none too happy, and curses instead,
And says she could make up her own ‘feather’ bed
With the hair she removes from my coat and the floor
When she’s just hoovered up and she says, “Small Dog…more?”
*
It comes out in handfuls, she’s filled up the bin,
As if Nature’s management style is a sin,
I really can’t help it, it’s just how I’m made
That turns carpets hairy wherever I’ve laid.
*
So morning and night she will Hoover the hair,
And sweep in between with meticulous care,
And then turn around, see a new hairy trail
That’s wafting in furballs as I wag my tail.
*
“That’s it!” she says, “Small Dog, I’ve got it! Of course!
I should, without doubt, tackle hair at the source!”
So she tempted me over with treats to her knee…
And then, so unfair, turned the Hoover on me!
*
Well, honestly, first I just stood there in shock!
I just dare not move, stood as still as a rock,
She Hoovered my back and my tail and my side…
Until I shot off, seeking somewhere to hide!
*
And her, rotten two-legs, all she did was laugh
And go on to threaten a ‘nice’, soapy bath!
So today, if she grooms me with more than the comb…
I’m packing my tennis balls and leaving home!
I’ll wager that the dog and tennis balls only got to the gate before returning. 🙂
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Not even that far 😉
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Funny 🙂
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😀
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Oh, Ani!
Gotta say, Sonu loves my handheld vacuum!
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This was the big hoover monster! I was not best pleased …
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I bet!
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Mylo understands the horror of being vacuumed and sends his deepest condolences
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You turn the Hoover-monster on Mylo?
I think the RSPCA needs to hear about this. Two of us…and Sonu Singh… it’s a pandemic! 😉
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Thank goodness they don’t know about each other’s maltreatment…
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Don’t be too sure about that 😉
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I seem to be shedding enough hair of my own these days, so I can sympathise, Ani!
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I know that feeling too 😉
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Me, too.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog.
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❤
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I’ve never managed to keep any dog on the grooming table when that hoover attachment approaches.
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I’ve never got mine on a grooming table at all 😉
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(It’s actally our kitchen table with a dog towel on it, but grooming table sounds better.)
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The only reason Ani would get up on a table is if there was a chicken on it 😉
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I really enjoyed Ani’s poem–and I can relate to her two-legs’ distress over all the hair. Our Huskey is shedding massive amounts of hair, and it’s pretty much everywhere.
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Oh dear. The stuff gets everywhere. Do what you will, it seems to become a non-negotiable condiment come mealtimes too…
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Oh, yes, there are days when I pick dog hair out of my food.
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They are worth it, though 🙂
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Yes, they’re good companions. 🙂
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🙂
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Great poem and that last photo of Ani’s back view expressing her feelings is priceless.
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She’s always avoided the Hoover-Monster… but she is hiding in the garden now when I get it out 😉
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I adore this ❤
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Thanks, Connie. And every word of it true 😉
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Poor Ani. There’s nothing worse than the Hoover Monster. And she turned it on you? Wicked two legs.
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I know! Such a meanine sometimes… even if I did get chicken treats afterwards 😉
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🙂 Sharing! xo
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Thank you, Bette 😀
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Poor Ani! Your two-legs wouldn’t hurt you sweetheart.
My parents dog from years ago loved the hoover and would stand in front of the cupboard door and not let Mum put it away until he had been ‘done’. Not so much suction then I expect as this was 50 odd years ago.
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That was hilarious. But what a great idea, hoovering the fur direct, lol. Ooops, sorry Ani. ❤ xx
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I tried again tonight after combing out handfuls… Ani can run really fast for an elderly dog 😉 xx
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Lmaoooooooooo 🙂 xx
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😀 xx
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Oh dear, I’m in tears and laughing big belly laughs!!! … oh the indignity of it all!!! 😀 … but don’t tell Ani I’m laughing so hard, only smiling winsomely. 🙂
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I’m not at all sure she has forgiven me yet 😀
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😀
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I guess the hoovering could have gone either way; small dog could have loved it…
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She definitely didn’t 😉
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Ani, dont worry. Its a Christian tradition.She will collect your hair for later benediction, after your death. Great Britain will become a new Saint, Saint Ani. 😉 Your symbol, a statuette of you will carry with can be a tennis ball. Michael
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This is so cute, Sue. Our cats also shed hair all the time.
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Seriously… half a wheelie bin in a week…
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Garry vacuumed the staircase the other day. There was enough hair there for a complete other dog!
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I seem to be getting that every day at the moment.
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I love the photo. I have an image of Duke and one of his toys walking sadly down the path.
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Bless them, they can be such drama queens 😉
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Oh, but the hoover monster is such fun to play with! Ours has some nice marks on it’s snout where I play with it when they let it loose. They say I’m a weird dog… Ha! They should talk! You should see some of the weird things they do. Lots of licks, Lilie
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Tell me about it, Lilie… totally weird sometimes, these two-legses.
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