The Small Dog and the Hoover-Monster

She says that I am an unfortunate pup,

I shed loads of hair that she has to clean up;

When it’s summer the finest fur next to my skin

Makes its way to the floor so my top coat is thin.


Now, myself, I think that is a perfect design…

The fine stuff’s discarded, the top coat can shine,

She helps it along as she combs me each day…

Then I can go out, either sunbathe or play.


But she’s none too happy, and curses instead,

And says she could make up her own ‘feather’ bed

With the hair she removes from my coat and the floor

When she’s just hoovered up and she says, “Small Dog…more?”


It comes out in handfuls, she’s filled up the bin,

As if Nature’s management style is a sin,

I really can’t help it, it’s just how I’m made

That turns carpets hairy wherever I’ve laid.


So morning and night she will Hoover the hair,

And sweep in between with meticulous care,

And then turn around, see a new hairy trail

That’s wafting in furballs as I wag my tail.


“That’s it!” she says, “Small Dog, I’ve got it! Of course!

I should, without doubt, tackle hair at the source!”

So she tempted me over with treats to her knee…

And then, so unfair, turned the Hoover on me!


Well, honestly, first I just stood there in shock!

I just dare not move, stood as still as a rock,

She Hoovered my back and my tail and my side…

Until I shot off, seeking somewhere to hide!


And her, rotten two-legs, all she did was laugh

And go on to threaten a ‘nice’, soapy bath!

So today, if she grooms me with more than the comb…

I’m packing my tennis balls and leaving home!

Published by Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:

53 thoughts on “The Small Dog and the Hoover-Monster

  1. I really enjoyed Ani’s poem–and I can relate to her two-legs’ distress over all the hair. Our Huskey is shedding massive amounts of hair, and it’s pretty much everywhere.


  2. Poor Ani! Your two-legs wouldn’t hurt you sweetheart.
    My parents dog from years ago loved the hoover and would stand in front of the cupboard door and not let Mum put it away until he had been ‘done’. Not so much suction then I expect as this was 50 odd years ago.


  3. Oh dear, I’m in tears and laughing big belly laughs!!! … oh the indignity of it all!!! πŸ˜€ … but don’t tell Ani I’m laughing so hard, only smiling winsomely. πŸ™‚


  4. Ani, dont worry. Its a Christian tradition.She will collect your hair for later benediction, after your death. Great Britain will become a new Saint, Saint Ani. πŸ˜‰ Your symbol, a statuette of you will carry with can be a tennis ball. Michael


  5. Oh, but the hoover monster is such fun to play with! Ours has some nice marks on it’s snout where I play with it when they let it loose. They say I’m a weird dog… Ha! They should talk! You should see some of the weird things they do. Lots of licks, Lilie


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