The Small Dog on Dieting

Posted bySue VincentPosted inDogs, Humour, PoetryTags:, , , , ,

She doesn’t feed me. Not at all.
I’m getting so much thinner.
In fact (apart from several treats)
I’ve not been fed since dinner!

I speak your language pretty well,
There’s ‘breakfast’, ‘lunch’ and ‘tea’…
‘Elevenses’ and ‘supper’ too,
So why just two for me?

She says that I am getting fat,
A touch too widely waisted,
Because of all the stuff I eat
That she has barely tasted.

I say before she breaks my heart
And puts me on a diet,
She should look in the mirror first…
That ought to keep her quiet!

And if she doesn’t want to give me treats…
To stop her bitching,
I’ve told her, all she has to do
Is stay out of the kitchen!

It’s not my fault the treats are kept
Midway towards the kettle…
I’m duty-bound to ask for one…
It keeps her on her mettle.

But when all else has failed me
And I’ve begged all I am able…
There’s always something I can eat
By raiding the bird-table

😉

Published by Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.

99 thoughts on “The Small Dog on Dieting”

    1. All she has to do is walk me more often…then she can give me more treats. We both need more exercise than we can get at the moment. I’m sure she is siezing up… 😉

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  5. This lockdown has caused all of us to gain weight, humans and animals. Its the least of our worries I tell my human mom. I find the big eyes work at my house. Hugs, Dot the dog. xox

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  6. Message from Sonu Singh – you know, they can me fat cat.
    That vet person is really nice, I love exploring his special room, but whenever we come home from visiting him, my lot get very stingy with my food.
    I try and be polite. I miaow and stand by my bowl.
    Mummy is not easy. She will always feed me ‘when it’s time’.
    But Daddy… I’ve worked out he’s the softy.
    I just go and sit on his computer and lovingly miaow in his face. He gives in and feeds me food early 😸

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    1. I don’t like vets… they stick things in me. 😦
      But I have my two legs pretty well trained on the whole. She says ‘no’ a lot, but I still get extra treats 😉

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      1. Good balance…
        Yeah, that vet does that to me too, but I end up feeling so chilled out, the rest of the Day, it’s quite pleasant..what I don’t like, is getting on that carrier thing!
        I escaped from it last time, and ran riot in the car, while Lil Man, my brother, tried to get be back in, before mummy came back from paying the vet man…
        She wasn’t happy. Said she’d have to hoover the car again.
        (I may, or may not, have left a ‘few’ strands of my lovely fur around the car during my escapist adventures 😹

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        1. They really don’t like it, do they, when we get loose in the car?
          I absent-mindedly chewed through my seat belt harness once… she wasn’t at all happy when I got onto the front seat next to her! I was only trying to keep her company…

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  12. You poor thing, Ani. It’s the same here, I’m afraid. They’re rather rounded and still eating three or more meals each day, but as soon as we ask for a treat they start on about how we need to watch our weight. The cheek of it! I hope you’ve gotten good enough at the look to make her give in at least most times. I’d lend you my brother, since he’s so good at it even Mummy knows when he’s doing it, and her eyes are broken – he’s really got her wrapped around his paw – except I need his skills myself. Lots of licks, Lilie

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  17. Ani, I think you are still looking rather svelte. Look at all the exercise you are getting running around chasing things, like your tennis balls. My tow -legged told me that Samson, their first dog, used to eat stuff for the birds, too. You’re in good company, He was a real marsh mellow. Hang in there and keep begging!
    Your friend, Garfield

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  23. Twiggy and I have a sure-fire way of making sure we get our food. We took a lesson from watching the way cats control their humans. When our bowl is put down we walk away. Yup. It akes every bit of will power. Twiggy even lays down on the floor as if to say “This food is killing me.” Works every time. We are begged and cajoled to eat. Treats are never missed. Lucky for us our weight is such that our gullible humans think we should eat more. We enjoyed your post, Ani. Lucy the Boxer for Twiggy the French Bulldog.

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    1. Hi Lucy (and Twiggy). Mine just breathes a sigh of relief if I don’t eat my dinner… she says the treats (being mostly chicken) are probably more than enough 😉 Mind you… I get better chicken if I am ‘not very well’ sometimes… (and she is awfully gullible 😉

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      1. Nine rescue dogs ❤
        Several of them arrived to be fostered, but never left. We have succeeded in re-homing a few, but we are often the last chance saloon for doggies with behavioural difficulties that won't fit in with regular families. Many of them have survived on the streets (in Spain) and food is VERY high on their list of priorities!

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  25. What is it about bird feeders? My Mogi doesn’t like bread…except when it’s for the birds! Stay well Ani, and make sure She stays well too.

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  26. What a fun post–and such a contrast of doggie expressions! You’d need a heart of stone to refuse a treat to the first Ani. The second Ani is about as hangdog as a dog can get.

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  28. Dear Ani,
    Once upon a time, we had a beautiful Border Collie named Bilbo, and we took him for his annual check up at the vet. We have him a huge brush to get him looking well-cared for. However, from memory I was rather shocked when the vet got stuck into me about his weight and just how many meals a day he’d been having. I hadn’t really put a lot of thought into it but I hate waste and my kids were non-eaters so I automatically gave their leftovers to the dog along with his own food. So, it was actually a bit horrifying when I started calculating breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks x 2 all being deposited into an all too willing Border Collie. Although a tall Border Collie, he weighed in at around 42 kilos. Yes, we were seen as very bad parents and all snacks and tidbits were banned.
    Well, nobody had explained this new regime to poor Bilbo, who sat dotingly beside me expecting his usual rations and being deprived. He looked very rejected. Clearly food and love were very mixed up in his heart and mind. Then, the kids went back to school and although they’d been on school holidays for a couple of months, he still knew exactly what a lunch box was and felt might disgruntled when he was deprived. You had to feel for him, but he lost weight and went on to pass muster until one day he didn’t eat and we knew almost immediately that something was wrong. He’d developed cancer and passed away a few days later.
    So, no doubt Bilbo’s looking down at you from heaven, Ani sharing your pain and you never know your luck, might drop down a snack.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

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    1. I’m only allowed two meals… and she sizes them according to how many snacks I have wangled in the day. But, you know, if you name a dog after a Hobbit, foodwill always be important 😉 x

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      1. He was named Bilbo because he was relatively smaller than our previous dog who was an Old English Sheepdog, and he was also a pup when he arrived. We are also Lord of the Rings fans.

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